You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He passed out mid-signature
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
