I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
