Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I said "one day" and that day is not today
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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