I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
