Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
