He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
