And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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