Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
