we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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