Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
