obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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