How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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