ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
