I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
