I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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