i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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