i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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