Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
