i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
