My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
no more duck duck goose at the bar
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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