Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
