I just made out with a guy for $7.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Enjoy the penises
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
