I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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