He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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