Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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