Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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