yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
