Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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