i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
