But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
