I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
