Just fell off a train. Bad.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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