in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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