I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
