Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
