Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT