I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.