when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
