your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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