if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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