haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
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No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit