Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
