Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
