No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
