dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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