Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hippo gnu deer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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