I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
