got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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