do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
