how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
