:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
