apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
