overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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