My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
