I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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