So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
