yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
