I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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