On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
