I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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