I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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