It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just had sex bonerless
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
