hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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