Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
