I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
