i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
