My cat gives me a boner
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
