"it" just moved
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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