i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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