i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
