Just fell off a train. Bad.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
