Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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