shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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