I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
