When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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