The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
