Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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