hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
