So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it glows. i had to have it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
