Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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