I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
