I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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